Preparing to Get Married
So you’ve found a person you love and have decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Congratulations! We know that the decision to get married is an important and exciting one. What can come as a surprise are the other, more complicated feelings that surface when you and your partner are preparing to get married. Suddenly you’re not always certain that you and your partner are as compatible as you’d thought. Wedding planning can also prompt you to confront things that you’d never seen as a challenge before.
Now you’re trying to maintain your connection, but certain differences are making it difficult. For example, how does your partner like to fight? Heated disagreements with raised voices make some people feel energized and connected, while other people find it excruciating. If you and your partner are mismatched in this department, it might make communication about difficult topics more challenging. The same goes for attitudes about money – are you a saver or a spender? How about your partner? – as well as distant future plans and expectations, such as perceived responsibility for taking care of elderly parents and grandparents.
Discovering ways you may be “mismatched” with your partner through premarital counseling sounds scary, but the truth is, no two people are ever 100% compatible, and by getting married, we will always have to compromise to some extent with our chosen partner. By going to premarital counseling, you can simply learn the details of what you’ll be compromising about, and then commit to it with full awareness, rather than through rose-colored glasses. Going to premarital counseling decreases your chances of divorce, and one of the main reasons for that is because discussing potential differences before marriage and taking a realistic stock of compatibility makes it less likely that you’ll be unpleasantly surprised by an irreconcilable difference between you and your partner down the line. It also can enhance communication and conflict resolution skills, and highlight the things about your partner that attracted you to them in the first place!
At Take Root Therapy, we will take you and your partner through premarital questions that will help you get to know each other better, manage your own and each other’s expectations about the relationship both before and after your wedding, and guide you through developing your own relationship “toolkit” – strategies for fostering connection with each other, resolving conflict, and understanding each other’s perspective.