Back-to-school season can be exciting, but it can also bring a wave of stress and anxiety for both kids and parents. From shifting routines to worries about friends and teachers, the transition after summer can feel overwhelming. In my own family, I was reminded just how big these feelings can be when my kids received their teacher assignments the night before school started.
During summer break, my kids got to bounce between different camps, stay up later than usual, and enjoy some much-needed family time. But as the first day of school got closer, our conversations started to shift. We talked about which teachers they hoped for, which friends they wanted in their classes, and even bigger worries underneath: Would their friendships hold? Would they feel left out? Would the work be too hard, or not hard enough?
We did our best to hold both their excitement and their fears, validating their concerns while reminding them of their strengths. The night before school, I got the notification that teacher assignments were posted as we were piling into the car. I mentioned it as I was driving, bracing for some disappointment but nowhere near ready for what actually happened. Both kids teared up almost immediately. One cried audibly while the other sat quietly with tears streaming down her face.
I pulled the car over, climbed into the back seat, and listened as their worries spilled out. One had been counting on a specific teacher whom she was sure was the best. The other was crushed to find out her closest friend would be in a different class yet again, and that her friend had been assigned the teacher she wanted. In their eyes, the school year was already ruined. One even threatened not to go at all.
Sitting there with them, I felt the tug every parent knows, the wish that I could jump in and fix things. I hated seeing them so upset, and I hated knowing that there wasn’t anything I could do to change the situation. My role wasn’t to rearrange their classes. It was to sit with them, to acknowledge their worries, and to remind them that they are capable of doing hard things. I also had to remind myself that sometimes the hardest moments are the ones that end up surprising us in the best ways.
The next morning, they dragged their feet as they entered the school building, and I spent the day seeking distraction, preparing myself for the worst. By pickup, though, I was met with two smiling faces. They still had some frustrations to share, but overall, the day had gone much better than they expected. It was such a great relief and also such a clear reminder that the anticipation of stress is often harder than the reality itself.
Because my children are still in elementary school, I notice that while they sometimes experience very real stress and anxiety, they also tend to rebound quickly. When something goes right, it is often easier for them to reset and move forward. For teens and young adults, the back-to-school transition often carries layers of additional pressure. Academic demands, shifting social dynamics, and developmental changes all come into play, and these challenges cannot always be resolved with the same ease. Their stressors run deeper, and recovery does not always happen as quickly. That moment in the car reminded me that back-to-school anxiety is not just about schedules and routines. It is about the hopes, fears, and pressures that grow more complex as kids get older, which is why supporting teens and college students through this transition feels so important.
What Causes Back-to-School Anxiety?
Back-to-school anxiety can come from many directions. Academic pressures, shifting routines, social dynamics, and unfamiliar environments can collide in ways that make the transition feel heavier than we want or expect.
New Environments and Unfamiliar Settings
Stepping into a new or unfamiliar environment is challenging for just about anyone. For children, the school setting can feel especially intimidating, particularly if it’s their first time being away from parents or caregivers. Older students may find themselves roaming new hallways, trying to keep track of schedules for the first time, or adjusting to unfamiliar teachers and campuses. I still remember the pit in my stomach when trying to find my locker or figure out where the bathroom was on the first day of school, and that initial feeling didn’t go away even when I got to college. These challenges can feel even more intense for students who are moving from out of town or changing schools, since the comfort of a familiar peer group is no longer there.
We forget about them, but parents and caregivers feel the weight of these changes too. The start of the school year brings new household routines, whether that’s earlier mornings, carpool logistics, packing lunches, or sorting through financial aid paperwork. Even if these transitions happen behind the scenes, they can still evoke a level of stress that mirrors what students are experiencing.
Social Pressures and Peer Dynamics
The social pressures that school brings are another prominent source of stress for students and parents. Even from the earliest grades, children worry about being included and whether they will have someone to sit with at lunch or play with at recess. Teens feel this even more acutely, often consumed by concerns about peer judgment, body image, and whether they are keeping up with extracurriculars and social trends. Research shows that belonging and fitting in are central to adolescence, and when those needs aren’t met, it can lead to disengagement and even higher dropout rates.
For students beginning college, at any age, the experience can feel like opening a new chapter and, in many ways, starting from scratch. They may find themselves adjusting to new roommates, navigating unfamiliar conflicts in shared spaces, or searching for a sense of belonging. Quiet comparisons to peers who seem more confident or put together can creep in, which can exacerbate self-doubt.
Though parents might not be caught up in the same school social scene, that doesn’t mean they’re free from social pressure. Back-to-school season can spark comparisons, leaving some parents feeling less organized, financially prepared, or capable than others. For parents of neurodivergent children, there is an added layer of stress in managing stigma and the responsibilities of Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), which nearly one-quarter of parents report as a specific source of anxiety.
Routine Disruptions
Going back to school brings a big shift in routines. Summer often means slower mornings, looser schedules, and more flexibility. Once school starts again, families are met again with early wake-ups, long days, extracurriculars, and homework stacked on top of already full schedules. These abrupt shifts in rhythm feel jarring for everyone.
For college students, the changes can feel even more drastic. Moving away from home often means leaving behind familiar comforts like regular meals, privacy, and in-person family support. Suddenly, they’re responsible for everything at once: keeping track of classes and assignments, managing part-time jobs, and maintaining friendships—usually on too little sleep. Many slip into irregular eating patterns, pull all-nighters, or feel physically drained by the demands of academic life. The loss of routine, combined with the weight of new responsibilities, can leave students feeling overwhelmed and isolated.
Academic Pressure and Performance Stress
According to research, academic pressure is one of the most universal causes of back-to-school anxiety. Unfortunately, many of us learn from an early age to measure our value by how well we do in school, absorbing the message that grades and performance matter above all else. Yet our public education system rarely adapts to different learning styles, which means that academic excellence isn’t necessarily a reflection of someone’s intellectual capacity and certainly isn’t the only thing that should be used to measure our value.
Experts at Cedars-Sinai point out that increased academic demands, tougher coursework, and constant peer comparison can take a heavy emotional toll on young people, sometimes leading to burnout. Teens and college students also carry long-term worries about getting into the right college, maintaining scholarships, or doing enough to prepare for their future. Pew Research found that 61% of teens feel significant pressure to earn good grades.
Adults feel this pressure too. Many parents describe it is as though they are being graded on their ability to support their child’s success, whether that means helping with homework or covering the cost of extracurricular activities. For families with fewer resources, the weight is even heavier, as the demands of work and financial responsibilities conflict with their desire to support their children fully. The constant juggling can leave parents feeling guilty, frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed.
How Do You Recognize Stress and Anxiety During the Back-to-School Season?
Since stress and anxiety are so common during the back-to-school season for students and parents alike, it helps to know what signs to watch for. Recognizing them can create space for more compassion toward yourself and your loved ones. The tricky part is that even when symptoms seem obvious in hindsight, they can be easy to miss at first.
Physical Signs of School Anxiety
Stress during the back-to-school season doesn’t always show itself as nervous words or visible worry. It can look like a stomachache that flares up every Sunday night, or a child who insists their shoes feel “wrong” right before it’s time to leave the house. It can look like the college student scrolling on their phone until 3 a.m., unable to settle their mind, or a parent lying awake replaying tomorrow’s logistics over and over. Anxiety often settles into the body first, long before it is named out loud.
Shifts in energy are another sign. You may notice yourself dragging through mornings that once felt manageable, or staring at a to-do list that feels impossible to get through. Sleep patterns can change too. Some people stay up late with racing thoughts, while others sleep much more than usual, either as a form of avoidance or because the exhaustion is real. Concentration becomes harder to maintain, and even simple tasks can feel heavier than they should be. These patterns, when they last, are often misread as laziness, irritability, or lack of discipline, when in fact they are some of the most common ways stress and anxiety show up.
Behavioral Changes and Withdrawal
Anxiety also has a way of shrinking the world. A child who used to run into the classroom might cling tightly to a caregiver. A teen who once loved soccer practice might retreat to their room and avoid friends. A college student might skip meals in the cafeteria rather than risk sitting alone. Even adults feel this pull toward avoidance, whether it’s ignoring emails from teachers, postponing a tough conversation, or pouring their energy into distractions. Left unaddressed, these patterns of withdrawal can lead to academic struggles, social isolation, or unhealthy coping strategies like substance use.
Internal Voices and Self-Criticism
And then there are the voices we hear inside. Anxiety often shows up as self-criticism. Teens name this most directly. Research shows that 70 percent of teens see anxiety and depression as major problems among their peers. But adults know this voice too, especially parents who quietly compare themselves to families who appear more organized or financially stable. Even children carry the weight of self-doubt, worrying whether teachers will like them or if they’ll find someone to sit with at lunch.
At the end of the day, children, teens, college students, and parents often share the same symptoms: headaches and stomachaches, disrupted sleep, shorter tempers, withdrawal from others, and a nagging sense of not being enough. The settings may change (a kindergarten classroom, a high school hallway, a dorm room, or a busy kitchen at 6 a.m.) but the feelings are strikingly similar. And naming these signs for what they are, rather than brushing them off as laziness or bad behavior, is the first step in responding with care.
How Can Students and Parents Manage School-Related Anxiety?
Build Steady Routines (Without Perfectionism)
One of the simplest ways to begin is through routine and rhythm. Even small rituals can create steadiness: eating breakfast together, walking the same route to school, reading before bed, having a cup of coffee in the morning. These patterns communicate to the body that the ground is solid.
But structure is not the same as rigidity. The first weeks of school are often messy, full of surprises about what works and what doesn’t, so trying to lock everyone into a perfect schedule too soon risks backfire. A more realistic approach is to set up a loose framework, live with it for a bit, and then check in after a few weeks. Notice where things flow naturally and where they break down, and adjust from there. Routines that evolve in this way tend to support us, instead of locking us into rigidity that sets us up for self-criticism if things don’t go perfectly right away.
You might try:
- Starting with just 2-3 consistent daily activities rather than overhauling everything at once
- Building in flexibility for the unexpected (traffic, forgotten homework, mood changes)
- Reviewing and adjusting routines after two weeks rather than forcing what isn’t working
Practice Simple Stress-Relief Techniques
When stress builds, even small physical shifts can help bring us back to the present. Research shows that taking a few slow breaths, stretching, or stepping outside for fresh air are effective ways to reset the nervous system. Mindfulness works in the same way. It doesn’t have to be formal or still. It can be as simple as noticing the taste of your coffee or the feel of your feet on the ground.
You might try:
- Teaching your children the “5-4-3-2-1” grounding technique (name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste)
- Taking three deep breaths together before leaving for school
- Scheduling 10-minute “reset breaks” during homework time
Reframe Anxiety as Information
According to research, another way to ease stress is by reframing it. When we remind ourselves that anxiety is a signal, a sign that something important is trying to come through, the feeling softens. Reframing can be as simple as reminding yourself that test-day nerves are normal (and maybe even helpful) in sharpening focus. It might also mean naming your strengths out loud in the middle of doubt. Telling yourself things like, “I’ve done hard things before, I can do this too,” turns stress into information you can work with rather than a wall that keeps you from moving forward.
You might try:
- Helping students identify what their anxiety might be telling them
- Creating a “strength inventory” together listing past challenges they’ve overcome
- Practicing phrases like “This feeling makes sense” rather than “Don’t worry about it”
Take Small Steps Instead of Avoiding
Avoidance, on the other hand, tends to keep anxiety around longer than necessary. In the moment, avoiding whatever is plaguing us seems to bring some kind of relief, but over time, it actually deepens stress. Taking small, supported steps toward the thing that feels overwhelming teaches us that discomfort is tolerable. Each step makes the next one easier, and in time, facing what once felt impossible becomes a source of strength.
You might try:
- Breaking overwhelming tasks into smaller pieces (visit the school building, then walk the halls, then sit in the classroom)
- Celebrating small wins along the way
- Staying present with your child during difficult moments rather than rushing to fix them
How Can Parents, Caregivers, and Friends Support Students with Back-to-School Anxiety?
Manage Your Own Stress First
When someone we love feels anxious, our first impulse is usually to fix it, to smooth things over so they don’t have to feel uncomfortable. As hard as that is to resist, the most helpful kind of support looks different. It’s less about solving the problem and more about creating a sense of safety through offering encouragement and providing a fresh perspective.
Children and teens are especially sensitive to the stress levels of the adults around them. Research shows that when parents manage their own stress, they become more emotionally available, allowing children to lean on them rather than absorb their worry. You read that right! Part of supporting students is actually tending to your own well-being. Taking a breath, asking for help from your support system, or calmly naming your own stress to your children shows kids that anxiety is normal and manageable.
You might try:
- Noticing your own stress signals before they become overwhelming
- Building in brief moments of self-care during busy school weeks
- Modeling healthy coping by saying things like, “I’m feeling stressed about this morning’s schedule, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths”
Validate Their Experience
Validation is another powerful way to support anxious students. Because anxiety can feel so isolating, hearing a caregiver or friend say, “I see that this feels hard” or “It makes sense that you’d feel this way” can ease that sense of loneliness. The goal isn’t to follow every anxious thought, but to communicate in a way that lets them know their feelings are real and worthy of being taken seriously.
You might try:
- Listening without immediately jumping to solutions
- Reflecting back what you hear: “It sounds like you’re worried about finding friends in your new class”
- Avoiding phrases like “You’ll be fine” and instead try “These feelings make sense”
Offer Practical Support
Practical support matters too, especially in the early weeks. Walking through a school building together before the first day, sitting down to map out after-school routines, or helping a student practice what they might say to a teacher can make the unknown less overwhelming. These small actions communicate to them that they do not have to do this alone.
You might try:
- Scheduling a school visit or orientation tour before the first day
- Practicing conversations they might have with teachers or peers
- Helping organize school supplies and create systems they can maintain independently
Foster Peer Connections and Belonging
Students are highly aware of how their peers respond to them. Feeling included makes a big difference, and research shows that having a sense of belonging is linked to both academic success and mental health. When young people feel genuinely connected to their classmates, they’re more resilient in facing academic challenges and more willing to ask for help when they need it.
Parents can support these connections by encouraging their children to participate in activities where natural friendships might develop, whether that’s joining a club, trying out for a team, or volunteering for school events.
Sometimes the most meaningful connections happen outside the traditional social hierarchies of lunch tables and weekend parties. A shared interest in art, debate, or community service can provide the foundation for friendships that feel authentic and supportive.
For college students, finding their people often takes longer than expected, and that’s completely normal. Encouraging them to stay open to different types of friendships, including study partners, roommates, and people from work-study jobs, can help them build a network of support that doesn’t rely on one perfect best friend.
You might try:
- Encouraging participation in clubs, sports, or activities aligned with their interests
- Helping facilitate activities with friends or study groups, especially in the early weeks
- Reminding them that building friendships takes time and doesn’t always happen immediately
Avoid Overprotection
Even though it may feel like the most natural response, overprotection is one of the least helpful ways to support a loved one. Shielding students from every anxious moment, such as letting them skip school or asking teachers for unnecessary accommodations, might ease distress in the short term, but it risks reinforcing the belief that they cannot cope or solve their own issues. A more supportive path is gradual exposure, which means standing with students as they face challenges step by step and expressing confidence in their ability to handle what comes next. By doing so, you help them build coping skills and trust in themselves. Support does not require having all the answers. It asks only that you be present.
How Can Therapy Support Students and Parents Struggling with Back-to-School Stress?
When Extra Support Makes a Difference
Sometimes new routines, validation, support, and encouragement are enough to carry us through the back-to-school season. Other times they’re not. When stress feels relentless, when your sleep is affected night after night, when each day starts to feel like a battle, it may be time to approach things differently.
Sometimes anxiety shows up as school refusal. Research estimates that about five percent of school-age children experience it, and it isn’t limited to kids. People of all ages can slip into patterns of avoidance when anxiety becomes overwhelming. In these moments, therapy can be an invaluable resource. With steady support and gradual steps, students begin to rebuild the confidence to return to school.
Therapy for Students
For adolescents and young adults, therapy offers a neutral space where whatever is weighing on them can be brought into the open. A therapist helps make sense of patterns, showing both kids and caregivers how to read them as signals instead of misbehavior. Within the safe haven of therapy, students begin learning concrete strategies to name their fears and practice calming techniques.
Therapy for Parents
Parents also stand to benefit from therapy. A therapeutic space gives them permission to voice their own worries and to temporarily lift the weight of constant caregiving for an hour. Showing up for themselves in this way makes it easier to show up in the rest of their lives. And research shows it has a positive effect on children when the adults around them are calmer and more grounded.
At its core, therapy offers something families aren’t always able to provide for themselves: steadiness, trained strategies for shifting patterns, and a place where both students and parents are supported. Back-to-school stress takes time to learn how to manage, but therapy can help turn what feels like a private black hole into something more manageable, something that can be approached with care.
When It’s Time to Reach Out for Support
If back-to-school anxiety is affecting your family’s daily life, for example, if sleep is consistently disrupted, if your child is avoiding school, if family stress feels unmanageable, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Professional support can provide both students and parents with practical tools for managing anxiety while creating a space where everyone’s feelings are heard and valued.
Every family’s experience with school stress looks different, and finding the right support means finding someone who understands your unique situation. Whether your child is facing social challenges, academic pressure, or the broader anxieties that come with growing up, therapy can help turn overwhelming feelings into manageable steps forward.
If you’re ready to explore how therapy might support your family through the school year, we’re here to help. Reach out today to learn more about how we can work together to make this transition feel less overwhelming and more hopeful.