coping patterns

But What If It All Goes Right?: The Power of Imagination

When was the last time you thought about your imagination? If you’re anything like me, it may have been while playing pretend with your kids, or maybe laughing at the wild things they come up with while in imaginative play. The importance of imagination on a child’s development cannot be overemphasized. Children seem to have to play – it’s not a conscious decision they make,…
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Am I Codependent If I Enjoy Having My Needs Met & Meeting The Needs of Others?

Am I Codependent If I Enjoy Having My Needs Met & Meeting The Needs of Others?: Interdependence 101

What does it mean to “need” others (and to be needed in return) the exact right amount? Even though I’m a therapist myself, I’ve struggled with this in my own relationships. When I was younger, I sometimes relied on my romantic relationships for validation and sense of self, and was often crushed when I didn’t feel supported enough. Now, I’m in a different place: I’m…
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Getting Past the Inner Critic

Can I Move Towards My Goals While Resisting Perfectionism?: Getting Past the Inner Critic

This past fall, we moved some things around in our previously neglected backyard. We thought having a dedicated play space would help our kids, as well as afford us more breathing room during the pandemic. I began starting evenings with vision boards, shopping lists, and poring over Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace for deals. I wanted to make sure anything we bought fit the greater “vision.”…
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Recognizing Our Own Resilience May Help

How Do We Keep Going In Hard Times?: Recognizing Our Own Resilience May Help

Our resilience increases as we recognize the magnitude of what we have already accomplished. -Patricia O’Gorman Do you remember last December? I do, but it feels like a million years away. This has been a year of many adjustments. Only a week ago, I felt like I was staring down the barrel of another lockdown. Today, I’m still reeling, but feel a glimmer of optimism…
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Can I Tell My Therapist When They Get It Wrong

Can I Tell My Therapist When They Get It Wrong? The Short Answer: Yes

I’m a therapist, but I’ve also been in and out of therapy since I was quite little. I’ve worked with some therapists that were helpful, some that were unhelpful, and some that, looking back now, I can see did more harm than good. In my teens and early 20s, what I would often do if my therapist said something that hurt me (or they seemed…
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Talking to Your Non-Black Parents about Anti-Black Racism

Calling Them In: Talking to Your Non-Black Parents about Anti-Black Racism

I wasn’t looking forward to Father’s Day this year. While I missed my father and planned to see him, I knew we would have to take additional precautions– wearing masks for the duration of our time together, meeting outdoors, and maintaining six feet of distance. This makes it hard to connect, especially with my children present. And given that I had been thinking about the…
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The Lifelong Commitment to Being An Ally

Start Where You Are: The Lifelong Commitment to Being An Ally

I will be the first to admit that I have had to do some hard work recently, and that until the past couple of weeks, I was not always actively thinking about or challenging my own privilege. While I considered myself a feminist and an ally, there was a lot that was happening in our country and that happened in our history, that I didn’t…
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Adapting Without Acclimating

Adapting Without Acclimating: Keeping Your Imagination Alive

I visited India in my early twenties. When I first got there, I didn’t think I would be able to handle it. I had never really traveled before, and I was used to daily hot showers and sleeping in my own bed every night. Backpacking, eating unfamiliar foods, traveling by rickshaw… it was all way out of my comfort zone. Yet after a week or…
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Getting Through (Another) Day in Social Isolation

What Do You Need? Getting Through (Another) Day in Social Isolation

How did you feel when you clicked on this article? Hopeful? Anxious? Overwhelmed? My email inbox and social media feeds have been full of tips on getting through quarantine and countless examples of folks making the most of their time at home. As I scroll through sourdough bread recipes and exercise routines, I find myself feeling both overwhelmed and angry. Then I remind myself that…
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Life in the Time of a Pandemic

Life in the Time of a Pandemic: How to Stay Sane while Keeping Safe

Until the past few days, I was feeling both very detached about the news continuing to overwhelm my inbox, and simultaneously feeling afraid. Over the past 48 hours, my response has began to change, as there seems to have been a national realization of the seriousness of the situation. Is it possible to at once avoid checking out or panicking? How can we meet this…
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