coping patterns

Why Am I So Tired?: A Case for Rest

When I ask the people in my life how they’re feeling, one of the most common responses I receive is, “Tired.” And I can’t tell you how often I will set my sights on having an early night, only to find myself sitting in front of my laptop and television (simultaneously) way past my bedtime.  In our busy and hectic day-to-day lives, it has become…
Read More

What is Toxic Positivity? And How to Respond to Your Feelings Instead

Even after years of doing this work, I’ve had moments when I am feeling sad or frustrated and I’ll catch myself thinking, “well, things could be worse!” While this seems pretty benign at first glance (or first thought…), I’ve come to understand how this falls under the umbrella of toxic positivity. What is toxic positivity? It’s the tendency to suppress, ignore, or disregard how one…
Read More

How Can I Feel Safe?: Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

Anxiety can be overwhelming. It can be hard to stay grounded and connect with ourselves when our heads are swimming, our hearts are pounding, and we’re drenched in sweat. In those moments, it can be difficult to soothe ourselves or find any sense of safety. Having a “grounding toolkit,” or strategies we’ve practiced ahead of time when we’re not feeling anxious, can make a huge…
Read More

But What If It All Goes Right?: The Power of Imagination

When was the last time you thought about your imagination? If you’re anything like me, it may have been while playing pretend with your kids, or maybe laughing at the wild things they come up with while in imaginative play. The importance of imagination on a child’s development cannot be overemphasized. Children seem to have to play – it’s not a conscious decision they make,…
Read More
Am I Codependent If I Enjoy Having My Needs Met & Meeting The Needs of Others?

Am I Codependent If I Enjoy Having My Needs Met & Meeting The Needs of Others?: Interdependence 101

What does it mean to “need” others (and to be needed in return) the exact right amount? Even though I’m a therapist myself, I’ve struggled with this in my own relationships. When I was younger, I sometimes relied on my romantic relationships for validation and sense of self, and was often crushed when I didn’t feel supported enough. Now, I’m in a different place: I’m…
Read More
Getting Past the Inner Critic

Can I Move Towards My Goals While Resisting Perfectionism?: Getting Past the Inner Critic

This past fall, we moved some things around in our previously neglected backyard. We thought having a dedicated play space would help our kids, as well as afford us more breathing room during the pandemic. I began starting evenings with vision boards, shopping lists, and poring over Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace for deals. I wanted to make sure anything we bought fit the greater “vision.”…
Read More
Recognizing Our Own Resilience May Help

How Do We Keep Going In Hard Times?: Recognizing Our Own Resilience May Help

Our resilience increases as we recognize the magnitude of what we have already accomplished. -Patricia O’Gorman Do you remember last December? I do, but it feels like a million years away. This has been a year of many adjustments. Only a week ago, I felt like I was staring down the barrel of another lockdown. Today, I’m still reeling, but feel a glimmer of optimism…
Read More
Can I Tell My Therapist When They Get It Wrong

Can I Tell My Therapist When They Get It Wrong? The Short Answer: Yes

I’m a therapist, but I’ve also been in and out of therapy since I was quite little. I’ve worked with some therapists that were helpful, some that were unhelpful, and some that, looking back now, I can see did more harm than good. In my teens and early 20s, what I would often do if my therapist said something that hurt me (or they seemed…
Read More
Talking to Your Non-Black Parents about Anti-Black Racism

Calling Them In: Talking to Your Non-Black Parents about Anti-Black Racism

I wasn’t looking forward to Father’s Day this year. While I missed my father and planned to see him, I knew we would have to take additional precautions– wearing masks for the duration of our time together, meeting outdoors, and maintaining six feet of distance. This makes it hard to connect, especially with my children present. And given that I had been thinking about the…
Read More
The Lifelong Commitment to Being An Ally

Start Where You Are: The Lifelong Commitment to Being An Ally

I will be the first to admit that I have had to do some hard work recently, and that until the past couple of weeks, I was not always actively thinking about or challenging my own privilege. While I considered myself a feminist and an ally, there was a lot that was happening in our country and that happened in our history, that I didn’t…
Read More
Menu