relationship challenges

Am I Codependent If I Enjoy Having My Needs Met & Meeting The Needs of Others?

Am I Codependent If I Enjoy Having My Needs Met & Meeting The Needs of Others?: Interdependence 101

What does it mean to “need” others (and to be needed in return) the exact right amount? Even though I’m a therapist myself, I’ve struggled with this in my own relationships. When I was younger, I sometimes relied on my romantic relationships for validation and sense of self, and was often crushed when I didn’t feel supported enough. Now, I’m in a different place: I’m…
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Getting Past the Inner Critic

Can I Move Towards My Goals While Resisting Perfectionism?: Getting Past the Inner Critic

This past fall, we moved some things around in our previously neglected backyard. We thought having a dedicated play space would help our kids, as well as afford us more breathing room during the pandemic. I began starting evenings with vision boards, shopping lists, and poring over Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace for deals. I wanted to make sure anything we bought fit the greater “vision.”…
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Recognizing Our Own Resilience May Help

How Do We Keep Going In Hard Times?: Recognizing Our Own Resilience May Help

Our resilience increases as we recognize the magnitude of what we have already accomplished. -Patricia O’Gorman Do you remember last December? I do, but it feels like a million years away. This has been a year of many adjustments. Only a week ago, I felt like I was staring down the barrel of another lockdown. Today, I’m still reeling, but feel a glimmer of optimism…
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5 Tips for Learning How to Accept Help

Do You Worry That You’re A Burden?: 5 Tips for Learning How to Accept Help

“I don’t want to bother anybody.” “I don’t want to be a burden.” “I should be able to do it myself.” We are currently experiencing many layers of loss and overwhelm. For most of us, it’s a loss of normalcy in general: we don’t have the activities or the routines we’re used to. We may be feeling stretched by new work demands and remote school…
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Can I Tell My Therapist When They Get It Wrong

Can I Tell My Therapist When They Get It Wrong? The Short Answer: Yes

I’m a therapist, but I’ve also been in and out of therapy since I was quite little. I’ve worked with some therapists that were helpful, some that were unhelpful, and some that, looking back now, I can see did more harm than good. In my teens and early 20s, what I would often do if my therapist said something that hurt me (or they seemed…
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Talking to Your Non-Black Parents about Anti-Black Racism

Calling Them In: Talking to Your Non-Black Parents about Anti-Black Racism

I wasn’t looking forward to Father’s Day this year. While I missed my father and planned to see him, I knew we would have to take additional precautions– wearing masks for the duration of our time together, meeting outdoors, and maintaining six feet of distance. This makes it hard to connect, especially with my children present. And given that I had been thinking about the…
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The Lifelong Commitment to Being An Ally

Start Where You Are: The Lifelong Commitment to Being An Ally

I will be the first to admit that I have had to do some hard work recently, and that until the past couple of weeks, I was not always actively thinking about or challenging my own privilege. While I considered myself a feminist and an ally, there was a lot that was happening in our country and that happened in our history, that I didn’t…
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To Touch and Be Touched: Physical Connection and Mental Health

When you think of troublemaking middle schoolers, you might picture them doing things like smoking or talking back to adults. When I was in the 6thgrade, while those things were happening too, we often got in trouble for– wait for it – excessive hugging. That’s right, our school administrators had to reprimand us for being late to class because we were busy giving each other…
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Preparing For Hard Conversations

When Your Emotions Are “Too Hot”: Preparing For Hard Conversations

Sometimes things come up in our relationships that we have to confront. This can be really heavy and scary, especially since most of us don’t enjoy conflict. Oftentimes, we either avoid it, perhaps indefinitely (like ghosting someone over text message) or, since we’re frightened of it, we try to get it over with as quickly as possible (like putting a wall up immediately, saying something…
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